That speck, running my eyes beyond despair,
Why can't it just leave me be,
Who to reveal, this ongoing nightmare,

A boy, a girl, it shouldn't be here,
I was careful, he was careful, its trace is growing.
I'm only fourteen, why should I care?
It keeps going, it keeps going, it keeps going...

An abortion,
Reckless, careless, drowning in sorrow,
Its potion, mind blaring and body threatening,
A white room cowers over me, its gone.

---

to prove to myself that you can't find forever
at nineteen
i sought him out
he was too easy to find
sitting in that suit shoes not matching
your tie red or orange
i thought
you might be the devil because
you were so easy to need
there on the floor that hadn't been
vacuumed for weeks dusty floral
pattern etched by my nervous finger again and
again looking down our feet touching tentatively
trying to forget the night before
making sure we could lose each other without
regret
so we tested that theory
explaining why we could
never love each other in the real world
you were just some guy with metro hair,fucking highlights
a catalyst to my learning process
but you hit me way too hard

--

flick your hair
golden and soft.
(jealousy pours out of me)
and the boys stare.
are you special?
stuck up?
or vain and shallow?
doesn't matter.
all i see is golden strands
shining in the sun,
and the eyes
that aren't
on me.
---
under the blackened rubble
lies a forgotten photograph
of haughty cathedrals,
rising courthouses,
and prim houses that lined the streets
from these monuments
walked statues of living things
then time began to creep upon them
like moss upon a stone
their steeple crumbled
their courthouse remained unused
their homes fell into disrepair
and so became the rubble...
--
the smudges
from my eager fingers
pressed against the window
annoy you
my fingers drop off
i won't do it again
cross my heart and hope to die
that is my promise
i would rather die
than leave
smudges
again
---